Disclaimer: I don't want this to come across as if I am wanting pity when that's the last thing I want. This post more so than anything is for me to face the ugly truth and seek support so I can better myself and move forward with my life with (hopefully!) a clean bill of good health. If no one reads this, so be it, but I'm posting this for me, for me to actually do something about it. Why am I even worrying about a disclaimer? Ugh, hopefully worrying about what other people think of me will be a thing of the past as I move forward.
Acceptance: Accepting the ugly truth whether I want to or not. Because Emily, You just put this out there for everyone to read, so change must happen NOW. Step up.
I've been struggling.
Wow, feels odd to be pouring these feelings out for the internet to read.
These are really big insecurities of mine, so try not to judge me too harshly maybe?
Mentally, I'm truly struggling.
I've been putting on a brave face, smiling and trying to show strength and honestly, I'm trying to keep it together, but I can't and I accept that now. I know something needs to change.
Don't get me wrong, in the past year I have truly achieved so much in terms of my health... If you had told me a year ago that I would have gone on a 6-week holiday visiting family. If you had told me that on this vacation I would have ridden a camel and walked with crutches for hours on end, I would have laughed at you.
While I know I have achieved a lot, to me, it isn't enough. My self-confidence is low and in all honesty, I'm still trying to move on from last year. Last year put up a lot of mental roadblocks, it changed me as a person. I went out with friends less, I laughed less, I stayed at home day in and day out watching Netflix and doing nothing because I felt so lost. I don't know why I'm using past tense because it's still something I am doing to this day (because who can binge watch 2 seasons of Jane the Virgin in a matter of days?). The only thing that is different now, is that I have accepted this, and I'm finally facing it after trying to avoid it for the longest time.
I'm in a rut, I'm feeling lost and to be completely honest, I don't have much hope. I don't have much hope that I'll be able to return to who I was. I don't have much hope that I can reach my full potential. Not having hope made me also lack motivation. I didn't realise how hard it would be for me to recover from what I went through and I would be lying if I said it wasn't a battle every day. I stopped going out as much and was in bed by 9pm watching youtube and keeping to myself because the idea of socialising was exhausting to me. My mum has been telling me that for the past year I've been in a rut and I can only imagine the sigh of frustration from her that will take place now that I've accepted it and doing something about it. Mother knows best... and my mum is usually right a lot of the time... No one tell her that I said that though.
I accept my current situation for what it is, and I know something needs to change.
I'm currently seeing an exercise physiologist who has given me a number of exercises to do daily while also doing a daily walk. These mental roadblocks have presented itself in lack of motivation. It's not that I don't want to do these exercises, it's the fact that in my mind negative nancy is saying "What is the point? Why are you bothering doing this? You know you will never get back to what you were, You've gained so much weight due to the steroids, you don't even look like yourself let alone actually acting like yourself so why try?". I've accepted that I can't keep living like this because the only person I'm really hurting is me, but where do we go from here?
Moving Forward: Asking for help and support as I can't-do this alone- and that's okay.
After talking to my ex phys, we came up with a plan that could help my motivation and help me break free from this groundhog day hell. During the week, while doing my exercises I need to be working towards something, now I know what you're thinking... "DUH Emily. You obviously want to be working towards getting back into a healthy, normal lifestyle..." and while that is ultimately the main goal, I can only achieve that by setting small short-term goals that will work towards the golden ticket at the end.
I was asked what motivated me, what made me want to actually get out of bed and do something and I figured out that exploring my city and doing what I enjoy motivates me. So an example is going to Perth Zoo or going to kings park for a picnic or going to an art gallery, etc. During the week when I do my walking and my exercises, I should be thinking of how this will improve my fitness and strength making my experience at the zoo more enjoyable and so on.
One of the main important factors of this is support, so this is me asking for support. My ex phys said even getting a friend to join on my walks/exercises can make all the difference in terms of my mental health and how I can really see my future, how I can realistically work towards my big goal.
I need support, and this is me asking for it, which isn't exactly easy to do. I still have wonderful and amazingly supportive friends but asking outright for help like this is very difficult for me, but I need to do so if I want to change how I view myself and the steps I will take to get back to working at EB Games and studying Psychology at university. I'm trying, but is what I'm doing at the moment really enough?
In a way by me posting this, this is out there on the internet for everyone to see, so I need to stick to this and actively try to improve myself. I need to make a change, and I'm going to. So, forgetting that I just posted some of my insecurities for everyone to read, can you guys recommend places in Perth that I can explore or even events I can attend? Leave me a comment below or feel free to contact me on my following social media down below!
email (because yes I am a person who regularly uses my email):
emily.dcosta@y7mail.com
snapchat:
emilydcosta
instagram
facebook
Thank you if you're still with me, this post is more like a letter to myself, a call out post if you will. Things need to change and for the first time in a long time, I'm willing to do something about it.
Bye bye to depressed Emily who lacked motivation, letting her condition control her:
Hello to the old Emily who went out, socialised and made the most out of her life. I cannot wait to be you again, soon:
If you liked this post, feel free to leave a comment down below and tell me what you want to see next!
Acceptance: Accepting the ugly truth whether I want to or not. Because Emily, You just put this out there for everyone to read, so change must happen NOW. Step up.
I've been struggling.
Wow, feels odd to be pouring these feelings out for the internet to read.
These are really big insecurities of mine, so try not to judge me too harshly maybe?
Mentally, I'm truly struggling.
I've been putting on a brave face, smiling and trying to show strength and honestly, I'm trying to keep it together, but I can't and I accept that now. I know something needs to change.
Don't get me wrong, in the past year I have truly achieved so much in terms of my health... If you had told me a year ago that I would have gone on a 6-week holiday visiting family. If you had told me that on this vacation I would have ridden a camel and walked with crutches for hours on end, I would have laughed at you.
While I know I have achieved a lot, to me, it isn't enough. My self-confidence is low and in all honesty, I'm still trying to move on from last year. Last year put up a lot of mental roadblocks, it changed me as a person. I went out with friends less, I laughed less, I stayed at home day in and day out watching Netflix and doing nothing because I felt so lost. I don't know why I'm using past tense because it's still something I am doing to this day (because who can binge watch 2 seasons of Jane the Virgin in a matter of days?). The only thing that is different now, is that I have accepted this, and I'm finally facing it after trying to avoid it for the longest time.
I'm in a rut, I'm feeling lost and to be completely honest, I don't have much hope. I don't have much hope that I'll be able to return to who I was. I don't have much hope that I can reach my full potential. Not having hope made me also lack motivation. I didn't realise how hard it would be for me to recover from what I went through and I would be lying if I said it wasn't a battle every day. I stopped going out as much and was in bed by 9pm watching youtube and keeping to myself because the idea of socialising was exhausting to me. My mum has been telling me that for the past year I've been in a rut and I can only imagine the sigh of frustration from her that will take place now that I've accepted it and doing something about it. Mother knows best... and my mum is usually right a lot of the time... No one tell her that I said that though.
I accept my current situation for what it is, and I know something needs to change.
I'm currently seeing an exercise physiologist who has given me a number of exercises to do daily while also doing a daily walk. These mental roadblocks have presented itself in lack of motivation. It's not that I don't want to do these exercises, it's the fact that in my mind negative nancy is saying "What is the point? Why are you bothering doing this? You know you will never get back to what you were, You've gained so much weight due to the steroids, you don't even look like yourself let alone actually acting like yourself so why try?". I've accepted that I can't keep living like this because the only person I'm really hurting is me, but where do we go from here?
the supportive group of people in my life
Moving Forward: Asking for help and support as I can't-do this alone- and that's okay.
After talking to my ex phys, we came up with a plan that could help my motivation and help me break free from this groundhog day hell. During the week, while doing my exercises I need to be working towards something, now I know what you're thinking... "DUH Emily. You obviously want to be working towards getting back into a healthy, normal lifestyle..." and while that is ultimately the main goal, I can only achieve that by setting small short-term goals that will work towards the golden ticket at the end.
I was asked what motivated me, what made me want to actually get out of bed and do something and I figured out that exploring my city and doing what I enjoy motivates me. So an example is going to Perth Zoo or going to kings park for a picnic or going to an art gallery, etc. During the week when I do my walking and my exercises, I should be thinking of how this will improve my fitness and strength making my experience at the zoo more enjoyable and so on.
One of the main important factors of this is support, so this is me asking for support. My ex phys said even getting a friend to join on my walks/exercises can make all the difference in terms of my mental health and how I can really see my future, how I can realistically work towards my big goal.
I need support, and this is me asking for it, which isn't exactly easy to do. I still have wonderful and amazingly supportive friends but asking outright for help like this is very difficult for me, but I need to do so if I want to change how I view myself and the steps I will take to get back to working at EB Games and studying Psychology at university. I'm trying, but is what I'm doing at the moment really enough?
In a way by me posting this, this is out there on the internet for everyone to see, so I need to stick to this and actively try to improve myself. I need to make a change, and I'm going to. So, forgetting that I just posted some of my insecurities for everyone to read, can you guys recommend places in Perth that I can explore or even events I can attend? Leave me a comment below or feel free to contact me on my following social media down below!
email (because yes I am a person who regularly uses my email):
emily.dcosta@y7mail.com
snapchat:
emilydcosta
Thank you if you're still with me, this post is more like a letter to myself, a call out post if you will. Things need to change and for the first time in a long time, I'm willing to do something about it.
Bye bye to depressed Emily who lacked motivation, letting her condition control her:
Hello to the old Emily who went out, socialised and made the most out of her life. I cannot wait to be you again, soon:
If you liked this post, feel free to leave a comment down below and tell me what you want to see next!
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